Lately I've been forced to realize just how different I am from my family. Perhaps this is why I don't get along with them. I know every one's families drive them nuts every now and then but mine have been driving me nuts for as long as I can remember. Growing up I never dreamed of getting married or having kids, I spent all my time dreaming of being far far away. Is it so wrong to want to be free from the very people who gave you life and helped you grow into the person you are? I know I wouldn't be where I am without them but I'm beginning to wonder if I would be better off without them constantly having an opinion of my life. All I've ever done is be what they want, do what they say, and when I finally stopped I became unhappy because of their disapproval of me. Weird because I don't care what they think, I just really hate having to listen to them bicker about everything I do. Nothing is ever quite good enough. It's tiring to try and always please these people.
Yes I love my family but I'm sick of trying to please them and falling short. I'm striving towards things I don't want in life and the worst part is I don't really know what I want. I've been trying to be someone I'm clearly not for to long I don't know who I actually am. I want to go back to the days where things weren't so messed up, when I stood up for myself. Where did that girl go? I miss her.
Will I ever get away from here? I'd like to think that one day I will but as another year passes and I get older I'm beginning to feel like I'm always going to be in this place. My only hope is that one day I'll make the jump and get the hell out of this place, it's time for some adventure in my life. I'm ready for it.
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